Life cycle of the mid-life crisis
There’s a certain age we reach when we start to feel somewhat less satisfied with life.
Exactly what that age is, is hard to say. Exactly how we feel is also hard to say.
But we know we’ve been growing increasingly discontent over something or other? And it seems to have started as we moved into middle age?
We tend to keep how we feel to ourselves. It’s because we hear how others who readily talk about it get told “oh you’re heading for a mid-life crisis!”
We experience growing urges to do something “surprising” like have a gap year or buy a motor cycle. Then we hear about somebody that did just that and how others said “Oh he’s having a mid-life crisis!” So we don’t.
Mostly we keep the feeling to ourselves, and do nothing about it. Then eventually we reach a stage where we find ourselves grumbling about things. About most things in fact, and we get told “you’ve become a right grumpy old man!”
Familiar isn’t it? Especially that bit about how the perceptions and views of others have a deciding influence on how we think and act. Who ever decided that it was a crisis anyway?
Yes! Whose crisis is it?
People in general don’t seem to like the status quo being altered. We see ourselves following an expected pattern in life which goes through the sequence:- 1: School. 2: Further education. 3: Job. 4: Retirement.
We enjoy being comfortable within our familiar pattern. So we want the pattern to remain constant and know that everybody else is conforming to that pattern and not breaking step. When they do we get anxious.
You can see this at the very simple level in the way we behave in queues, expecting everyone to stay in place… and look how twitchy we get when an individual steps out of line.
So maybe that’s the first thing to recognise. The so called “crisis” is only an anxiety response in other people, so stop worrying what they think or say.
So why do we get discontent?
Accepting that some folk can’t wait to give up work and retire I think we’d agree that the rest of us enjoy making use of whatever we’ve got going for us. Using our particular strengths in situations that demand them as well as allowing us to exploit them to the full or thereabouts. Getting a job that meets all that is great but not guaranteed. Having one that continues all through working life to provide room to stretch and grow is rare. So it’s pretty much inevitable that at some time in mid to late career things go flat.
The diminishing challenge problem touches on a series of our characterisics.
We tend to be competitive and goal-orientated and so we find the absence of new goals dispiriting.
There is the pride thing of making progress and enjoying the recognition that goes with it, and that starts to decline too.
Getting on top of a job sees us spending less time learning and applying new knowledge and we lose the mental stimulation that comes with that.
In short we need continuing challenge. We need change. So that’s the second thing to recognise -this most certainly isn’t a crisis but perfectly natural and commendable instincts looking for an opportunity.
What are the opportunities?
Work- Possibly the first thing to consider because it potentially meets all needs.
A bigger version of the same job with another employer – maybe a smaller firm where all the fresh challenges of growth can be found.
A totally different job that meets those particular needs that never really got satisfied in the first choice career.
Being your own boss – Whether that be as a self-employed freelancer or the full-on entrepreneurial start up business.
Play – Maybe you stay in the job but add the missing satisfaction or stretch you need within your free time.
Stretch your mind with a degree or get creative and foster that latent talent you have.
Push your limits by climbing a mountain or try your hand at white water kayaking.
Make a difference for other by volunteering your time – anything from mentoring to running a marathon.
Fitness – Whether it’s to better prepare you for the new Play pursuit or just to be at your best again.
Get your fitness back with a healthier eating regime and lifestyle.
Get on your bike or down the gym.
Nourish your brain with physical and mental exercise.
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